Absolution
by Gater101
Summary: [OneShot] And there it was earthier, warmer... home. [Season4]


Title: Absolution  
Summary: And there it was... Earthier, warmer... Home.  
Characters: John, Nancy, Teyla  
Pairing: John/Teyla, John/Nancy, Teyla/Kanan.  
Rating: K  
Spoilers: Missing, Seer, This Mortal Coil, Be All My Sins Remember'd, Outcast, Miller's Crossing

"John?" He turned around slightly, shifting his upper body only. He smiled in her direction but he knew it didn't reach his eyes. He turned back again, hanging his head low and staring at the beer bottle in front of him, slowly peeling the label off. "It's freezing out here."

He started as her voice came from right beside him but he didn't turn towards her. He heaved a heavy sigh and glanced up at the loaded sky. The night would have been black had he been back on Atlantis, but the pollution of the city lights brightened the sky with an orange glow, highlighting the thick brown clouds in the sky; he felt as though he could reach out and touch them with his finger they were that low in the sky.

The house behind him was bustling, which was part of the reason he found himself on the porch in the first place. That and the couple of beers he'd had had settled him into a mood so melancholy, he hadn't wanted to pollute the rest of the cheerful crowd. He could hear music mixing together from several houses, a disastrous cacophony that rattled his pounding head.

"It's not so bad," he murmured with a half smile in her direction. He knew she didn't buy it.

"For those of us who haven't spent time in the Antarctic, this is cold," she returned with a small half smile of her own. The smile fell flat on his lips, the small gurgle of laughter died in his throat. He could feel her eyes watching him and he scrunched his face uncomfortably. He really hated the way she was looking at him. He wrinkled his eyes and turned his head away from her, glancing down the street. It was the typical American dream family home, rolling lawns, large driveways, huge porches, the roadside lined with trees... There was a time he'd wanted all of that too. "You can't hide from me, John," she murmured and he felt her hand on his thigh. He glanced at it and swallowed the bile that rose in his throat.

He'd met her _fiancé _for the first time earlier that day. He'd have to say he was surprised by just how un-Nancy like he seemed but as she said, he was safe, reliable and he loved her. He'd asked if she loved him and she'd admonished him and he'd sulked away. He knew then that she did and any hope of reconciliation between the two past lovers was way out of the question. He wasn't disappointed, not really, but he couldn't quite put into words just how much he'd wanted to just turn and walk out of the room when he'd been introduced to _Derek. _Derek, the tall, blond haired, blue eyed typical Miami Beach hunk who looked like he spent more time in the gym than even Ronon did. But the guy was all right, he admitted grudgingly, once he'd gotten to know him.

"What's wrong?"

He let out an admonishing laugh and sent a small glare at his ex-wife. What _wasn't _wrong? He scrubbed his free hand down his face and followed it by lifting the almost empty bottle of beer to his lips. The past year had been the most difficult of John's life, beyond a doubt; battles on the home front with his ex-wife getting married, his father dying, reconciling with his brother had paled in comparison to the over-whelming weight of the decisions he'd made on the Atlantis-front. Not only had he left Elizabeth Weir behind the first time, he'd given the order to leave her behind again to a fate that was beyond comprehension. And then in that there was guilt outwith the actual decision making itself. She'd been alive the whole time and they'd failed to come up with a plan to rescue her. On top of that, there was the weight of the Athosians and the effect their disappearance was having on one of his friends'. He sighed. Then there was the way in which he'd convinced Henry Wallace to let the Wraith feed on him. And that led to the Wraith itself: he couldn't quite believe they were harbouring an enemy in an attempt to beat another enemy that was killing off aforementioned enemy.

"I've done a few things I'm not proud of," he murmured lowly, the anguish he felt hidden behind a wall tough from years of training. She didn't say anything and he was glad. He didn't want to hear her try to counsel him on things she had no idea about. He was glad Rodney had Jeannie to talk to. "I miss being here." He felt as well as saw her surprise at that. He let out a little laugh. "Especially at Christmas." He trailed off again, his eyes travelling skywards. He hated when the clouds distorted his view of the sky; it was his only sanctuary sometimes. He sighed again and lowered his eyes. "Go back inside, Nance; I'm not really good company just now."

He saw her shake her head and, secretly, he was glad. He enjoyed her company. They'd always been friends, even when their marriage was falling apart. She always managed to centre him, make him see the bigger picture and he loved that about her.

"Everyone deserves to have one day where they don't need to think about the mistakes of the past. You've come here to spend Christmas with those you love and instead you're sitting out here like a sulking little boy, demanding attention."

He felt anger rise from his gut at that.

"I am not-"

"I know you John Sheppard and I know the way you work. It may not have been attention from me you were wanting but it was attention none the less." He frowned and glared at her, his hazel eyes darkening with anger. "Oh, don't look at me like that."

He unfurled his face and stared at her blankly.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He saw her raise an eyebrow at that and he mirrored it with one of his own. It took a few moments before he looked away; they were both just about as stubborn as one another.

"You always were a terrible liar, John Sheppard."

"And so were you."

"Only with you."

He turned to her then and felt a small, remembering smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He felt the warmth of her smile heat up his insides and he glanced away, ducking his head slightly in embarrassment. It had taken years for him to be able to hide his emotions and she was quickly, resolutely breaking down the walls he'd painstakingly erected after Afghanistan. He was beginning to think that he wanted her to. He let out his breath slowly, quietly and he ran his finger over his eyebrow gently in a well-worn nervous track. He felt her hand on his arm and he turned to her, seeing her eyes were shining with tears. He covered her hand with his and tugged her closer to him, draping his arm across her shoulders. He smiled in contentment and leant his head against hers as she rested against his chest.

A memory from months before arose unbidden in his mind, of a balcony on Atlantis, in winter, wrapped up with Teyla.

He sighed and tucked his head closer to Nancy's.

"Are you happy?" He shook his head almost imperceptibly and was glad when she didn't turn to look at him. "Why don't you come home?"

He turned his head into hers and waited until she turned her head up to look at him. He smiled at the peaceful look in her eyes and felt something in his gut tighten. He pushed the feeling away.

"Are you happy?" He felt her nod and he smiled, almost sadly, and tried to ignore the slight hitch in his heartbeat at her confession. "Then I won't be coming back here."

They were silent once again and they trained their eyes on the house across the street, neither willing to feel the weight of his confession on their hearts or on their minds. He breathed in deeply and let the scent of her wash over him. He was surprised at just how foreign it seemed to him. He'd expected to smell something more earthy, more homey. The moon crept out from behind a cloud and lit the pair in a dewy, ethereal light.

"Oh... I am sorry." John jumped away from Nancy quickly and turned to the voice that interrupted them and he was sure the guilt he was feeling had crept onto his face. "I did not mean to interrupt."

John was finding it difficult to come up with words to stop her from leaving and he was glad when Nancy spoke for him.

"It's okay, Teyla. I was just heading in anyway." She stood up and John gulped as she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. He heard her murmur a quick 'Merry Christmas' before smiling as she moved past Teyla and entered the house.

John didn't move as the door banged shut. He couldn't take his eyes off the Athosian. She looked angelic in the milky light from the moon. He couldn't take his eyes off her. He saw her standing uncertainly above him and he realised just how foolish he must have looked. He patted the spot on the step next to him and when she sat down and wrapped her cardigan around her belly as a shiver gripped her, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him.

"Have you had a good time?" He asked quietly a few minutes later and he felt her nod against his shoulder. "Good."

They were silent again but John couldn't feel uncomfortable in her presence. Inviting her to Earth for Christmas had seemed like one of the most stupid ideas he'd ever had in his life while he'd been back on Atlantis but now... now he knew it was the right thing to do. Things had slowly started to get better between them but the uncomfortable tension still lingered between the pair. And he was kind of glad; it kept him on his toes, kept him from admitting things that he really shouldn't.

"Look!"

He opened his eyes at her childish excitement and saw the small white flecks meandering past his vision. He smiled and stuck a hand out past the shelter of the porch, feeling the fat blobs drop and melt there. He turned to see her do the same, while the other hand dropped to her stomach. He felt that pang again but thrust it away. He smiled at the joy on her face and found himself wrapped up in the moment.

And her.

He'd somehow managed to wrap both his arms around her and pull her to him. He felt her stiffen for a second before relaxing and wrapping her arms around him. It was slightly awkward as he had to lean over her rather large bump but it was worth it. He was about to let her go when her grip on him tightened and she murmured a few incomprehensible words into his shoulder. He was about to ask again when his throat dried and his eyes widened. The baby was kicking and he could feel it. A surge of excitement pounded through him and he let out an airy laugh.

"That's amazing," he whispered, reluctant to let her go.

"The magic, of Christmas, yes?" He smiled and nodded, pulling back from her slightly. He saw her smile at him slowly and he returned it. "Merry Christmas, John."

His smile broadened and he nodded, pulling her to him again.

"Merry Christmas, Teyla." He placed a kiss on her neck through the thick sheet of her hair and inhaled her scent.

There it was; earthier, warmer...

Home.


End file.
